* A Distributed Proofreaders Canada eBook *

This eBook is made available at no cost and with very few restrictions. These restrictions apply only if (1) you make a change in the eBook (other than alteration for different display devices), or (2) you are making commercial use of the eBook. If either of these conditions applies, please contact a https://www.fadedpage.com administrator before proceeding. Thousands more FREE eBooks are available at https://www.fadedpage.com.

This work is in the Canadian public domain, but may be under copyright in some countries. If you live outside Canada, check your country's copyright laws. IF THE BOOK IS UNDER COPYRIGHT IN YOUR COUNTRY, DO NOT DOWNLOAD OR REDISTRIBUTE THIS FILE.

This eBook was produced by: Marcia Brooks, Cindy Beyer & the online Distributed Proofreaders Canada team at https://www.pgdpcanada.net

THE SCRIBBLER.

Expected Nuptials, etc.—Lieut. Olddeil, to the flashy young widow Billiard, of Notre-Dame-Street. Cupid it is said has no share in this marriage.

Mr. Giles Lightfoot, Jun. to Miss Limberjoint. Her papa expects to see the family well-managed. N. B. This wants confirmation.

The Brush with which Mess. Hardtimber, & Co. clean their counter, following the example lately set by one of his employers, intends to be joined to the hand of Miss Lilly Harry. Things will, of course, be kept quite clean in their menage.

Mr. William Cursewell, to Miss Mary Dumpling, the two lovers are only waiting for the approbation of Mr. Roderick McFrenzy, to join their hands and hearts in the bonds of matrimony.

Mr. Wm. Giddy, to the accomplished Miss O’Fye. This courtship was privately carried on in the Scotch church every Sunday, until it was perceived by the lady’s lapdog, who, finding himself neglected by his mistress, and being not a little hurt at their caresses, furiously reprimanded them with a bow-wow-wow.

Mr. Olive Harpagon, fourth son of Pierre Harpagon, Esquire, of Essefex-Street, is soon to lead the amiable Miss Chatbouilli, to the altar of Hymen, on which occasion it is reported that old Harpagon, will make a great display, as he has for some time been employed in collecting the loose stones, rotten timber, and rusty nails about his numberless premises, to defray the expenses of the noces.

“Mr. Gossip. A mountain day-sie (pardon my orthography) has had a faithful devil of a Bee buzzing about her for five long years, in hopes of sipping her vestal sweets, during which time he made nine hundred and ninety and nine vows to seek honey from some other flower, and to forget, as he would then call it, the bitter horehound; at last, perceiving that all the sweets of his favourite blossom were exhaled by other insects, whether bees, wasps or butterflies, the records of Flora do not testify, he, after completing the thousandth vow, (to change the metaphor,) veered his brig about, and is now under a press of sail, in the wake of a dutch-built hoy, whose broadsides smoke with twelve thousand pounders, who has taken in her top gallant sails, (leaving an airy field for the rover) and appears to be lying to, to await the stern rencontre.”

HALF-GERMAN.

We are informed that the lady, who was, it is said the heroine of the following song,

sent a pathetic letter (which she got wrote for a dollar) to his lordship, who, for he is no churl in these matters, made her a handsome pecuniary present, but declined all further intercourse, in consequence of which the lady is inconsolable, and cries her eyes out night and day.

Gentlemen walking up the suburbs at a late hour, requested not to run against the steps on the side walks, nor quarrel with the posts, both of which art very inoffensive when let alone, but are apt to break noses and shins when they are attacked. They are allowed, however, to tumble over one another, if they don’t roll crossways to interrupt other passengers.

Mr. Gossip presents his compliments to the Misses Armytinkers, and begs they will be more civil in what they are pleased to say of his good friend Mr. Macculloh, and his readers, as he assures them that he wishes them well—married.

Query. Was not Mr. Tommy Changeling one of the ninety-nine who signed the resolution for the suppression of smuggling? If he was, who did the case of types belong to, that were lately smuggled into this province?

Mr. Allben begs to inform his friends and the public, that he still continues the agency business for minor children, widows, and intestate estates. He refers to those who have passed through his hands, as specimens of his management. Apply at the sign of the Tune on the piano-forte, in the street of the Saint who was roasted to death on a grid-iron.

For sale by private contract; the valuable stock in trade of a lawyer and scrivener, consisting of a great variety of law-papers, reports, cases, records and waste-paper, amongst which are a number of promissory notes belonging, jure divino, i. e. by the death of the payees, to the said scrivener; also three or four excellent copying machines called clerks. To cooks, old maids, and others, this will be a desirable opportunity for laying in a stock of paper fit for singeing turkeys, Curling hair, and other purposes which may be guessed, without being expressed.

Madam Rumpledale begs to acquaint the public, and young ladies in particular (especially such as are about to take family-orders,) that, in future, a more general course of education will be adopted in her seminary, in which literary and domestic branches will be blended, thereby young ladies will be qualified to enter the matrimonial state without bashfulness or imbecility, as, in addition to her other assistants, she has engaged the knight of the Telescope, who usually spends five or six hours with her every evening, (preparatory to the nuptials that are to take place between them.) and has kindly offered to receive a few more young ladies into the class.

Arithmetical Query.  If the Mount Royal Bank saves £300 per annum in postage, by having their packets franked by their Cashier at Government City, how much does the post-office revenue lose, and how much does said cashier gain?

Young ladies are cautioned against appearing too often on a gallery near the junction of two streets, not twenty miles from the Old Market, with young gentlemen, as they thereby attract the notice of their neighbours, particularly the “French” people, who have quick ears and long tongues.

The ladies of pleasure of Mount Royal present their compliments to the rosy cheek’d young man, clerk in a hardware store, and wonder he does not visit them oftener. They hope it is not for fear of being put in the Scribbler, neither for fear of losing his ruddy colour: if the latter, they will spare him some of their rouge; and as for the Scribbler—he be damned.

Vel Massa,

Since ye put Old Cuffee in de Cribbler, he rite ye gain, bout someting he was see not long go, jest after noon, as he be goin long Sint Pall Street; me tink ye call him ghost; he not walk in de dark, so me call him

Selections from other papers.

From the Government City Advertiser.  An indictment containing ninety-nine counts, is preparing to be laid before the Grand Jury, against a grocer in this town, for distributing that gross, scandalous, infamous, obscene, seditious, malicious, diabolical paper, The Scribbler, by wrapping it round ounces of pepper, and pounds of sugar,^[1] and so sending it to his customers. Squire Northland, Dr. Chopit, and Mr. Justice Perquisite, have contributed, it is said, each their modicum of brains, to eke out the attorney-general’s, in framing this indictment.

Sir Socrates Corkhead the younger, is preparing for the press, “The Newtonian System reformed, or the philosophers of Europe demonstrated to be a set of jackasses;” in a duodecimo volume, neatly bound in calf, illustrated with maps of those regions of science that he has not explored, drawn, not from actual survey, but from hearsay.

From the Aksaromak Spectator.  We have had rather a brilliant season this summer, and numerous visitors to this Margate of the St. Lawrence. Many of our birds of passage were amused, and some hurt, by the adroitness with which a vaurien of a crow, excused himself from admitting them to roost in his rookery. Though this bird is a little one of his species in every point of view, he is not a little conceited, and when he visits his city-friends, he makes no scruple of establishing himself, bag and baggage, in their nests, & pokes his bill into every platter. Yet when the fine season arrives, and his numerous acquaintances want to return him the compliment, seeing so long a string of them, he makes an apology to each for not asking him to partake of his hospitality, saying that he is afraid of making the others jealous. Notwithstanding therefore, he has store of good cheer, and takes care to collect his tythes from the whole parish, as regularly as a curé, (the income of our curé is between £7 and £800 a year.) he makes no returns but a few fair speeches for all the civilities and hospitalities of his polite and respectable entertainers in town. An exception, however, took place last season, in favour of a young and wanton pretty pigeon, who, along with her temporary mate, and their young one just hatched, were sumptuously entertained at the parsonage, for it is there our crow’s nest is built. The Seigneur du village, who is not the Devin du village, and who formerly was a man of great sociability, has also lately got into the habit of dining à huit clos. Village scandal attributes this to the circumstance that (to give it in the language of the place) son fils a Taché son nom par une mesalliance, et la brue a un Cicisbé avec lequel elle n’a pas seulement la retenue de cacher les apparences; the old gentleman, it is said, is too weak, and the husband too polite, to prevent the game from going on, whilst they all believe the public are blind, deaf, and dumb.

From the Clarencetown Mirror.  Jacky Swell of this place has gained great celebrity in the circles of haut ton, by his unprecedented and never-before-thought-of gallantry, in cutting neat square pieces of paper, and hanging them up in the privy-council-chamber of lord Viceroy, for the accommodation of her ladyship, who laughed heartily at reading them, (laughter, the doctors say, is a great promoter of digestion,) when she found they were some of that facetious fellow Lewis Luke Macculloh’s Scribblers.^[2]

From the Shamble Repertory.  We are desired to correct a mistake in one of our late numbers, where it was stated that the Rev. Mr. Nick Rap quoted a passage from Tertullian.—He was in a great rage about it, and declared that he never quoted any thing from e’er a heathen Greek poet in his life. Sir Isaac and his reverence had a bit of a dust lately, they were together with Mr. Justice Priest, whom in result Sir Isaac begged to walk in, and desired the other to walk out, and mind his school.

Doctors should not take upon themselves to act as bailiffs or constables; Mr. Vin Zoochen writes from the “Shamply Newshroom” that “dere is vone dogtore who does not sharsh mouch vor medechine, but magues noo and dan some mishtagues, vor it vas im dat dook up von leedel chew merchant Tafit vor peeting hish sherfant kirl vid hish proomshtick pecause de boor kirl voult not too vat he vanted.”

Honesty Hooper and General Fleabite ought not to borrow the Scribbler, as they can very well afford to pay for it. It is hoped they will take the hint before the black list appears.

REVIEW OF PUBLICATIONS.

Remarks on the La Chine Canal, Montreal, 1822, printed by James Brown, 8 vo. pp 40. price 1s. 3d.

Reply to Remarks on the LaChine Canal, by Theodore Davis, Montreal, 1822. printed by Nahum Mower, 8 vo. pp 55. price 2s., 6d.

These pamphlets appeared in the early part of this year, and have lain on the shelf for some time, in the hope that, in taking notice of them, I might, at the same time, be able to report that a considerable progress had been made in the undertaking, which is the subject of them: but alas! like all other public works in Canada, it languishes in most drone-like inactivity. Squabbles between the contractors, quarrels among the labourers, and any thing but vigourous exertion, characterise the work. What an utter disgrace to the province, and its inhabitants in general, and in particular to the persons who have been placed at the head of it, is it not, that so many years that this paltry canal of eight or nine miles in length has been in agitation, have passed away without its being advanced more than it is! It would take up too wide a field to enter into the causes whence all this apathy, delay, and imbecility have arisen; for which also other opportunities will occur, of which I shall probably avail to disclose some of the arcana—the wheels, within wheels—connected with the old board, with which I had occasion to be personally acquainted.

What immediately gave rise to these pamphlets, appears to have been a petition to the legislature to get the intended line of the canal altered, and have it carried to the Wind-mills, instead of into the Port; this alteration the Remarker strenuously opposes, and the Replier as strenuously advocates. Both parties accuse each other of self-interestedness, and it seems but too apparent, that the old saying is verified in this instance of the “kettle reproaching the pot.” When the legislature meet this season, (if the lowering storms that threaten to disturb the political horizon will admit of it,) this subject will probably be again agitated, and those who interest themselves in it will do well to read these pamphlets, and study the estimates and calculations annexed to them; in which, however, many items may be questioned as to their accuracy, and some ridiculed for their absurdity: of the latter kind is the mistaken mode, very generally adopted, of estimating annual savings and annual expenses, at a capital sum, adequate to produce a yearly interest equal to the amount of those savings and expenses, a mode of calculation that, in very few instances indeed, can be admissible. Upon the whole, the strength of argument lies undoubtedly with the Remarker, whilst the Replier has little besides invective to dwell upon. There can not exist a doubt, I should think, in the mind of any unprejudiced and disinterested man, but that the main trunk of this canal ought to be cut from La Chine to the Cross by the best route, and that all lateral branches ought to be made with a view to that ultimate object, although it can not now be accomplished; and the repeated assertion of the Replier that the canal can be continued to the Cross, from any given point of the line he recommends, without adopting that through the St. Lawrence Suburbs, is most fallacious, as it would be flying in the face of common sense to suppose that such a continuation could be made, with any propriety, either through the heart of the town, or by a wider circuit. The Replier takes occasion to cast a very just and proper ridicule upon “the spirited incorporated company that for two years did nothing at all but write home to England to engage an engineer,^[3] and after all ere forced to confess their incompetency for the undertaking, and give up the canal, as a bad job, into the hands of government.” Indeed, as long as there is both a set of men, who must, fit or unfit, be placed at the head of every undertaking, and that the community are such subservient fools, as to submit to the vile, mercantile, purse-proud oligarchy that bears sway in Montreal, nothing can be expected to prosper that requires either talent, knowledge, or public spirit.

A sermon on the Education of the poor, the duty of diffusing the Gospel, and more particularly on the importance of family-religion; preached before the Diocesan committee of the society for promoting Christian knowledge, in the Cathedral church at Quebec, 24th Feb. 1822, upon the occasion of the annual collection. By the Revd G. J. Mountain, D.D. Quebec, printed by J. Neilson, 1822, 8 vo. pp. 28. price 2s.

This is a very good practical discourse, in plain, unadorned, but sensible and convincing, language there is none of the enthusiasm, or the cant, that too often accompanies the declamations of the promoters of missionary societies. Indeed the Society for the promoting christian knowledge, is of a very different description from those methodistical, & pretended evangelical, associations, that pester and inundate both the old and new world.—The reverend preacher says in a note,

“Volumes indeed, might be written to point out the hurtful effects which arise from the manner in which particular doctrines, (relating chiefly to conversion, regeneration, and what is called assurance,) are warped; upon the danger of mixing in, with things spiritual and unseen, the gross alloy of physical causes, and the meretricious incitement of the imagination; upon the temerity, pregnant with mischiefs to the cause of religion, which seats itself in the chair of inspiration, and challenges to enjoy those favours which were peculiar to the times of visible interposition, and direct Revelation from on high. Volumes might be written upon the shades and gradations of these mistakes in religion—upon the effects of adopting a certain turn of phraseology, and wearing the marks, as it were, of affinity to this school, or doctrine—upon the system of precisely identifying the success of this school with the extension of the Gospel. But let it be well remembered, on the other hand, that there is a far more usual and less excusable manner of promoting error or extravagance in religion. It is by turning our backs upon it—by coldness and indifference to the characteristic doctrines of the Gospel. The comforts of the Gospel will be sought, and if food be withheld in one quarter, it will be asked for in another. I am aware that such observations often bring upon the clergy the charge of broken charity. And I take the risk. I do more—I boldly plead not guilty. We are the special guardians of sound doctrine; we are pledged in the most solemn manner to execute our trust in this point. Charity in religious matters is not indiscriminate approbation. Charity has no field where this exists, no subject of trial. It is the delicate part of true charity, while she “earnestly contends” for a sound faith, to go fearlessly on to her mark, and to keep clear at the same time, from all animosity of feeling, from all harshness of thought or expression, from all spirit of misconstruction or ill-will. And at least it is no worse charity in us to uphold vigorously what we conceive to be a right system, than in others sedulously to undermine it.”

If all our established clergy possessed an equal degree of temperate zeal, and equal ability to express it, sectarian tenets and practices would not make such alarming strides towards the subjugation of the minds of men, as we daily see them taking in these provinces.

An address to the liege men of every British colony in the world, by a Friend to his species. Kingston, U. C. printed at the Herald-Office, 1822, 12 mo. pp. 13, price.

In very rough and uncouth rhymes, this “friend to his species,” inculcates principles that must be dear to every Englishman, to every admirer of the noble institutions of his native country, and every lover of liberty throughout the world. The sacred palladia of the trial by jury, and the freedom of the press, are his principal topics. The following is a fair specimen both of the versification, and the sentiments of this address.

Original miscellaneous poems, viz. The auctioneer of Kingston; The fable of the strange bird picked by the magpie; The invasion of the new church; The club-quarrel; and The ghost, a dream. By Pindar Swift. Kingston, printed at the Herald-Office, 1822, 12 mo. pp. 83 price.

We have here, upon wretched paper, and in sad doggrel, a number of local and private matters, poetised in so tiresome a manner, that, in despite of my well-tried perseverance as a reviewer (for, gentle reader, I once belonged to that sage fraternity in London,) I fell asleep long before I got to the Dream, at the close of this collection of rhymes; which probably, however, have given some amusement to the circles in Kingston for whom they were intended, and beyond which no manner of interest can attach to them. The Dream is the best, and there is something very ludicrous in the image of the devil carrying away the ghost, like a sack of wheat, Upon his shoulders.

The Quebec Directory for 1822; containing an alphabetical list of merchants, traders, house-keepers, &c. within the city; to which is prefixed a descriptive sketch of the town, together with an appendix containing the regulations of the police, &c. By Thomas Henri Gleason. Quebec, printed by Neilson & Gowen, 12 mo. pp. 141, price 6s. 3d.

I notice this publication for the sake of encouraging and recommending similar convenient vade mecums. It is accompanied by a plan of Quebec, and appears, upon the whole, to be well executed, and worthy of patronage.

LITERARY INTELLIGENCE.

Mr. Pennoyer has announced that the second volume of Lavoisne’s Atlas is now ready for delivery. I took occasion, in an early part of my periodical labours, to recommend this work to the public; and now that it is complete, I feel myself bound to give anew my decided approbation, both to its plan, and its execution. The second volume is exclusively devoted to the New World. It is as complete and comprehensive as could be wished, and the whole work forms altogether such an historical, chronological, and geographical Atlas, upon the plan of Le Sage, as has never been equalled. The London Literary Gazette, speaking of the second volume, says:

“The mode in which the text is combined with the maps and tabular representations, is excellent. They make chronology and history the companions of geography: and the youth of America has enabled the projectors to form a work far more perfect in this respect than could be devised with regard to an older country. The maps are neatly executed, and the coloured divisions are at once new to us and satisfactory. We find the statements in the letter-press moderate and impartial; that is to say, written with an American feeling, without being rendered unworthy of science by the spirit of party and national prejudices. Upon the whole, we think the plan highly deserving of encouragement, and we have directed attention to the work, in the conviction that we are pointing out to such of our readers as it may concern, a very important accession to their means of acquiring American information.”

Occasional errors are utterly unavoidable in such a work; but it would be invidious to point them out. I shall probably hereafter enter into a more detailed critique of it, if opportunity allows.

Mr. W. S. Simpson, of Quebec, advertises that “The proceedings in Appeal in the case of the Rev. George Spratt, and our sovereign Lord, the King, with an appendix,” is ready to go to press; of which no more copies will be printed than are subscribed for. The prospectus may be seen at the office of the Canadian Courant. The subject of these proceedings was the legal right claimed by Mr. Spratt, as the minister of a dissenting congregation, to baptize, marry and bury, which, by the decision of the Courts of Kings Bench, and of Appeal, at Quebec, has been negatived. The matter is one of great interest to the inhabitants of both provinces.

Agricola’s letters, which are now advertised as ready for delivery to subscribers at the Herald-Office, are a series of communications, on agricultural and other co-relative subjects, originally published in the Arcadian Recorder, at Halifax, Nova-Scotia, and are replete with sound theory, and the results of practice and experience so as to render them highly worthy of preservation, and extensive circulation.

L. L. M.

16 October, 1822.

Dear Scrib,

I wish you would ask the Revd. Mr. Mortgage his reasons for reading the evening-psalms in the morning, and the morning-psalms in the evening, on Sunday the 13th instant.

Your’s, &c.

CUT-UP.

To Correspondents. Eribus’s Woman, a paraphrase from the Œconomy of human life, will appear the first opportunity: the scene of his verses to Stella being laid in “the leafy shade of yonder grove,” while

they will not suit the squalls, the sleet, and the frosts of November, and will have to remain till the return of the genial season. No. 3 of Bill Evesdropper & Son’s Chambly Journal has been received, and will appear, but Nos. 1 and 2 have never come to hand; if possible, a copy of them is requested to be sent, by post, to S. H. Wilcocke, Burlington, Vermont. I have not found room for Plato as I had hoped I should: to this esteemed correspondent, and to all my other contributors who may feel dubious on the subject, I beg to say, that all Keys and communications in which real names are introduced, are invariably burnt, as well as such letters as are requested to be destroyed; others I keep for reference, but in a place of inaccessible security; my correspondents may therefore be perfectly easy as to whatever actually reaches my hands, but that some letters have miscarried, or have been intercepted, is certain, and it will therefore be necessary to use great caution, in sending communications by the only three safe modes, namely, through the Montreal post-office, the Scribbler letter-box, or the United State’s mail to Burlington. L’Ami de la Patrie will appear in the Free Press. I shall endeavour to dish up a hash out of the fragments furnished by Amen. Sam Ginger’s second favour will appear early; in explanation of my meaning as to local description, etc. I beg to repeat the wishes expressed in No. 53, for the occasional communication of articles descriptive of local scenery, well as of characters; of geology, mineralogy, natural history and topography, as well as of manners, customs, and passing events. A Half-pay-officer, A Subscriber, from Ste Marie Nouvelle Beauce, Castigator, and Fair Dealing, from Quebec, in next number: the further promised communications of Fair Dealing will be particularly acceptable. I have to thank The Priest of the Parish for his explanation; his intelligence he will see has partly been availed of; the rest, as also that furnished by Cut-up, &c. &c. &c. is deferred till the next Domestic Intelligencer. To my Kamouraska correspondent, I shall write a private letter of thanks, and apology for delay. N. from Berthier, is under consideration. I am afraid there is rather too much personal invective and general declamation, without anecdote, or instance, in his portrait of the character he inveighs against.—The matter alluded to by A Friend to fair trade, would be fitter for an action at law, than for being recorded in the Scribbler. The communication signed Drybrains, requires an explanation.

The BLACK LIST is deferred for a week, in hopes that the promises made will be fulfilled.

Alexander Skakel, A. M. will deliver a course of lectures on Natural Philosophy, to commence the first Wednesday in November, which will be illustrated by experiments. The course will consist of twenty-five lectures. Terms three Guineas, or five shillings for a single lecture.

Dr. Holmes will commence his course of experimental lectures on Chemistry, on Saturday 14th December, and continue them weekly through the winter. Terms, Two guineas, or five shillings for a single lecture.

Subscriptions to both courses, Four Guineas.

TRANSCRIBER NOTES

Misspelled words and printer errors have been corrected. Where multiple spellings occur, majority use has been employed.

Punctuation has been maintained except where obvious printer errors occur.

[The end of The Scribbler 1822-10-31 Volume 2, Issue 70 edited by Samuel Hull Wilcocke]