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THE SCRIBBLER.

Having carried my conquering arms successfully as far as Quebec, and established a permanent garrison in that important station, I have leisure to attend to the reduction of the intermediate fortresses, where the forces of folly are entrenched, or have reared their standard. Three Rivers, forming the third town in the province, and being the metropolis of a district, will first be attacked; and though Sorel is a place of considerable importance, as a station for the light companies, and the veteran and invalided troops of the enemy, I shall reserve the siege of that post until the body of forces which fashion and rank will carry thither in the train of the commander in chief during the summer, have commenced their campaign. My summons to the garrison of Three Rivers, to surrender at discretion, and acknowledge my authority, will be found in the substance of the following letter.

Three Rivers, 2d May, 1822.

Sir,

Considering the great extent of country thro’ which your paper is circulated, and over which your inquisitorial powers are permitted to extend, it is a matter of surprise to me that you have no aide-de-camp in a place where your authority is so much required as in this town, famed full as much as others for the arrogance and presumption of some of its would-be great folks, the self-importance of its little folks, and the affected peculiarities of some of its middling folks, all of whom it may be justly said, “reason now resigns her sedate office, and fancy, extravagant fancy, leads the mind through a maze of vanity.” There is as great a variety of characters residing in it, as can be found in any other place. It has its “honourables,” and its dishonourables, its worshipful magistrates, its old women, its pettifoggers and its quacks, its would-be-dandies and real dandizettes, its fortune hunters, but few fortune spenders, its old maids, whose principal occupation is to set their neighbours by the ears, its prudes, its coquettes, and its mancatchers, its moralists who may truly preach according to the old saying, “follow my precepts but not my example;” and a number for whom I have no appropriate title, whose great fault is taking more trouble in prying into their neighbour’s affairs than in attending to their own. Here also

And there are also persons, climbing no ordinary rank in society, who give way to indulgence of their criminal passions, at the expense of their fortunes and characters, forgetting the duties they owe to themselves, to the situations they fill, and to society as persons whose conduct ought to be worthy of example.

I would ask you whether an occasional exposé of occurrences accompanied by a brief sketch of some of the most prominent characters, written in plain English, though with proper moderation, given through the medium of your paper, would not tend to remove some of the existing evils? If a corner can be spared in your miscellany, which, if I am rightly informed, is “open to all parties, and influenced by none,” you may occasionally hear from the county of

ST. MAURICE.

In expressing my desire of availing of the aid of this writer, and tendering my acknowledgements for the offer, I beg, however, to intimate that severity of censure often overshoots its mark; and that ridicule is in general far more successfully employed for the attack and suppression both of folly and of vice, than that caustic Catoism (if I may be allowed the expression) of which some symptoms appear in the above preliminary remarks of my intelligent new correspondent.

L. L. M.

Mr. Macculloh,

A late Quebec mail brought me the copy of the following lines from a friend of mine there, with a request to forward them to you. My friend says he wrote at the desire of a lady who, while on a visit to the Falls of Montmorency, in company with her mother, and some others of her sex, was shamefully insulted by one of the beau-species, because she refused to receive him as a wooer.

To the Editor of the Scribbler.

Not having fully determined whether I shall for the future weep, or laugh, at the unbridled absurdities of the beau-species inhabiting this our “Government City,” I wish in the mean time to present the following lines

From my own apartment in St. Paul Street, 20th April, 1822.

DOMESTIC INTELLIGENCER, No. VII.

By a new arrangement in the Vapour-establishment, it is understood that the Old Morgan Rattler, and perhaps also the Caravan will be laid up in ordinary during the season. It is reported that several parties of pleasure will be given in the course of the summer, by the admirals and naval officers on this station.

Amateur theatricals have much improved, and a considerable degree of credit is due to the exertions of the performers, as well as to the decorations of the theatre, considering the inexperience of the one, and the necessarily contracted scale of the latter. Perhaps more fault might be found with the audience than with the actors. From Government City, a correspondent has requested us to notice an indecorum that occurred in the theatre there, where lately one of those non-descript animals that affect to be dandies, (not George Rex) but who can rise no higher than the rank of puppies, stood up during the performances in the most unaccommodating manner before two ladies whom he saw were accompanied only by quite a boy, who politely requesting him to sit down, the rara avis with a most impudent grin, asked which of the ladies he incommoded, and when told, actually placed himself in the same posture before the other. A gentleman, who sate near, disgusted at such behaviour, then interfered, and soon, by the threat of pulling him by the nose, made him take his seat; another instance of the truism, that those who insult women are invariably cowards.

We give insertion to a letter from another correspondent at the same place.

April 15th.

Mr. Editor,

I beg to inform you of a great grievance, namely, going to church in a wet boisterous day, up our long constitutional hill, and being disappointed by the parson not being prepared with a sermon. It is said that on the occasion I allude to, a few friends having called in between morning and afternoon service, and being of the Mug family, they stopped so late that the parson was obliged to send word to the door-keeper that, he was unwell. Could you not, Mr. Gossip, devise some more proper hours for the sons of Bacchus to meet without disappointing us good christians? This puts me in mind of a story I have heard told of a celebrated doctor of divinity, who, going to a town called Mount Royal, gave it out that he would arrive in time on Sunday to preach.—The kirk was full to hear this great mon, but he did not make his appearance, which was the more surprising as he had been seen on Saturday within twelve miles of the place; but he turned off to Goodland, having, as it is said, forgot to pack up his favorite sermon on the hurry of leaving home.

A MEMBER O’ THE KIRK.

Mount Royal, April, 1822.

Mr. Editor,

If you can add to the number of bucks who regularly assemble in front of the church so as to stare those ladies who have modesty out of countenance, and to be stared at by those who have none, or if you can prevail on them to enter, and when they are in, to take off their hats and not to spoil the humps on each side of their heads with fingering them all the time, I think it would be conferring a benefit on the public. If they want a pattern they will find it in the gentlemen of the cane corps.    HUDIBRAS.

NOTICE. The gentleman-shepherd whose curiosity leads him to dispense with the laws of propriety and politeness, so far as to gaze by the help of a telescope, at the ladies in a certain part of St. Paul Street, not far from its South end, when retiring to bed, through the window of their bed-chamber, is cautioned against repeating this trespass upon politeness; under the penalty of having his name fully revealed by    PLUTO.^[A]

We are informed that similar indecorums have been committed from the back windows of the Thespian Academy, to the annoyance of a conjugal couple in the vicinity.

EXPECTED NUPTIALS.

We are credibly informed, tho’ at present it is only whispered in the highest circles of fashion, that the renowned knight of the Telescope will shortly lead to the altar the blooming widow of the late Sir Blazon Nonpareil. The valorous knight having at length softened the mournful and sympathetic heart of the afflicted widow, by gallantly defending her honour and her rights, is thus about to receive his reward.

The Prior of St François Xavier is shortly to receive the fair hand of the lovely and dashing Miss Caleche. Some fiddlestrings are expected to be broke, and some pumps worn out on the occasion; and so many disconsolate lovers are supposed to be ready to hang themselves, that an additional coroner for the district will probably be wanted to measure the cords.

Miss Newark has laid out the following route for an excursion immediately after the expected ceremony, before alluded to, viz. Cornwall, Rock River, Fort George or Cross Roads, La Cole, Prairie du Chien and Michillimackinac; as she is desirous of visiting all the places where her intended distinguished himself last war.

We are informed that Tony Crouch, who was drowned on the 28th April, and whose death we announced in our last, was not the son of Lord Goddamnhim: the mistake however was easy, as his lordship may safely be reckoned the patriarch of one half of the illegitimates, and the original seducer of three fourths, and the occasional patron of seven eighths of all the prostitutes in town.

NOTICE.

An explanation will appear in next number of the causes of the delay and interruption that have taken place in the publication of the Scribbler. No. 48 and its supplement will appear in a few days; to be followed by No. 49, and so on, until the arrears are brought up; and the volume will begin with No. 53, on an enlarged plan and more moderate terms, as will shortly be announced to the public.

TRANSCRIBER NOTES

Misspelled words and printer errors have been corrected. Where multiple spellings occur, majority use has been employed.

Punctuation has been maintained except where obvious printer errors occur.

[The end of The Scribbler 1822-05-16 Volume 1, Issue 47 edited by Samuel Hull Wilcocke]